Adele’s Best Prank Yet

Adele’s known for her humours, grounded self and a pretty awesome voice. That’s why we love her. Did you know that she’s a really good prankster too?

Below Graham Norton and Adele team up to find the perfect Adele impersonator. Little do the other candidates know that the real Adele might be closer than they think…enjoy!

 

Bad Robots

Have you seen Bad Robots? Seriously, if you haven´t, watch it NOW: Bad Robots.

Bad Robots is certainly one of the funniest prank shows I have seen so far.

Quiz machines purposely misunderstanding people´s answers, parking ticket machines moving back when you try to grab the ticket and don´t forget about the eye test making you say really awkward things.

Well done, E4, well done.

Bad Robots

Bad Robots

We look forward to the next episode – Tuesday, 10PM.

Watch the trailer here:

Why House Hunting is like Online Dating

Recently I have been fairly active on websites such as Spareroom, because I was looking for a new place to move to!

 

Aren’t we all familiar with the challenges: “I want a big room”, “I hope my house mate isn’t a psycho”, “What if it’s just a scam?”, “What if the walls are pink?”, “What if the house mate OWNS CROCS?”

Crocs and Socks

Nightmare: Crocs and Socks (Source: Sour Popsicle)

That’s when it dawned upon me: house hunting is pretty much like online dating. You don’t know what to expect, the visuals are often photoshopped and have no resemblance with reality. When it comes to the hobbies and characteristics – isn’t everyone laid back and up for fun, spontaneous and into the newest trends out there? Oh, let me post a picture of when I did my ice bucket challenge, so I can prove how cool I am. (I know, the ice bucket challenge isn´t so trendy anymore, how about just a really cool selfie with the cat?!)

Have you ever tried online dating? Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony – does this ring a bell? You might be familiar with the following steps…

 

1. Find someone who looks hot. First impressions are all about the looks. Are they tall enough, is their hair the right colour? Do they seem happy?

Megan Fox Transformers

Megan Fox in Transformers

 

2. Read the biography. What can they offer me? What extras do I get out of this?

Channing Tatum

Channing Tatum

 

3. The first message. “Hey, how are you doing? I like the look of you, this is who I am and this is what I have to offer”

Plate of Doughnuts

(Source: Guardian)

 

4. Praying for a reply. If it’s someone you really like the looks of, keep checking your phone every minute as they might reply to you from a divine intervention.

Lonely Girl

Lonely Girl (Source: Picphotos.net)

 

5. Let’s take things to the next level! When can I come over to yours?

The Proposal

 

6. I liked it. Can I come back?

Bachelor Juan Pablo

 

7. They’re having others round – it’s not exclusive yet. Ouch!

girl on the phone

 

8. Alright. It seems like you were better than the others at the end. Come and move in with me? Let’s share a bathroom.

Wedding

(Source: Dogfish Design)

 

Congratulations! You´ve found the perfect house. Took a while!

 

Psst. I´ll tell you a little secret: I love my Crocs.

Crocodile Guy

Crocodile Guy (Source: Daily Mail)

How to scare off your friend’s partner

Relationship

 

A new relationship is always exciting, adventurous and a bit scary. The most scary thing though is meeting your partner’s best friends or family. Will they like me? What if they don’t?

If you happen to be on the other side of the spectrum – or known as the best friend – it can be quite exciting and scary too, because you obviously only want the best for the people that are close to you! However, if you’re not necessarily a fan of your bestie’s new love (and you feel like the cat below), here’s guidance on how to scare them off. All for your best friend’s own good, of course.

 

Sceptical Kitten

 

Make sure you follow the below step by step, in order to walk out as the successful party when you meet your friend’s new love.

1. Give them a proper handshake. Show your friend’s girlfriend/boyfriend who’s the boss by crunching those bones. If they start screaming, pretend you haven’t heard them. Serves you right, bitch!

2. Ask them about their opinion about the latest article in the FT, covering the Indonesian business that went bust the other day. This will make them feel like an integral part of their fiance’s friendship group right away.

3. Change your accent every time your friend’s new love turns their head away from you. Stay committed. This needs to be continued throughout the whole time period you know them. If you have to learn new accents and variations you’ll surely be able to make use of those later in life.

4. Accidentally call them the wrong name. If you want to take this a step further, guide the conversation towards your friend’s ex partners, and don’t forget to mention how awesome ex-girlfriend Kate / ex-boyfriend Tom were and how much you miss them. Lovely and charming.

5. As a rather classy variation – grab your nearest medical book about microbiology of the gastrointestinal tract and take it out with you. When you meet your friend’s partner, whack them over the head with it….or alternatively, just ask them what they thought of the book and be really shocked if they have never heard of it. Faint, if you want to enhance the effect.

6. Wipe your hands on a tissue every time you touch your friend’s new love, or their clothes. Make sure those germs and the dirt is all off.

7. Tell your friend what you think about their new partner – right in front of them. They will appreciate the honesty and transparency.

 

Good luck!

Europe According to Vladimir Putin

Well, let’s see how horrible Europe really is…

Europe according to Putin

Europe according to Putin (Source: atlasofprejudice.com)

He’s the extra tree-restrial: Builder never tyres of not having any stairs

This guy made all our secret dreams come true.

Metro

Going down: Mr Schlussler lets gravity bring him down to earth (Picture: SWNS) Going down: Mr Schlussler lets gravity bring him down to earth (Picture: SWNS)

It looks like a scene from ET but there’s nothing spaced out about Ethan Schlussler.

The construction worker became so fed up with having to climb up a 8.5m (28ft) ladder to reach his tree house he built a bike elevator.

Mr Schlussler, 23, sits on the saddle and pedals and counterweights, ropes and pulleys lift him straight up.

Up, up and away: Off he goes into the tree house (Picture: SWNS) Up, up and away: Off he goes into the tree house (Picture: SWNS)

Once at the top, he steps off and enjoys a bird’s eye view of the forest. To descend, he hops on and lets gravity take over.

Mr Schlussler, from Sanpoint, Idaho, said: ‘I knew I wanted to build something better than a ladder, and I was talking with a friend about various ideas for a human-powered elevator when he suggested using a bicycle.

Ethan e sits on the saddle and pedals - and a system of weights and pulleys does the rest (Picture: SWNS) Ethan e…

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Office Survival 101

The Office – we nearly all end up in one, one day.

As young and innocent pre-teens we may have dreamt of being marine biologists, police officers, firemen, actresses; never knowing that a destiny of working in Finance or HR was waiting for us… That we would spend hours tearing our hair out because the CEO ignores our very existence or because of the manager that “reminds us politely” not to be looking at Buzzfeed during the day. Without distractions those of us that work in offices would forget a world outside exists…. forget that there is a world outside of office lingo (who the hell says blue sky thinking anyway?), terse email exchanges, tube announcements that you can now recite from memory and getting home at 7:30 and missing The Simpsons. This may come as a revelation to some but there IS a world outside – who knew?

office - meet the team

No one prepares you for this eventuality. They say dream big – my advice? Don’t. Dream of hot-desking and constantly wiping your phone and computer with anti-bacterial wipes. Dream of cleaning the toilet seat with hand soap before you use it. Dream of free office coffee that is the weakest you have ever had and that has probably been pissed in by the office mouse that recently died behind the fridge (does it depress you to know that you will end up drinking it anyway?). In the words of that pop artist I can’t remember, the best things in life are free – except they’re not – but I digress. Dream of office parties where a manager tells you you would “be more attractive if you lost weight” and you try and prove him wrong by seducing him (what, just me?) – dream of anything that is realistic. I applaud anyone who can make it in their dream job– however I also say to those who do not become what 6 year old Billy thought he would – it’s ok.  We are nearly all there with you.

So, you are stuck in an office – that sucks. You have graduated, been told that well paid graduate career jobs are out there, only to end up in the admin department ordering cheap stationery dealing with people complaining that their stapler has broken, again. So here you are, working away, only to find that the destruction of your dreams is not the only thing you have to worry about – no one told you how to survive office life. Who thought ending an email with “regards” would cause you such problems. Why didn’t you put Kind Regards? Why didn’t you write Best Wishes? Or just a plain Thanks? Why didn’t you say Hi at the beginning of your email? Can you put a smiley face? Can you insert clip art? Can you insert a picture of that cat from that cheese burger thing, just to be rid of the tension? What about maintaining the constant happy persona when your house has fleas, you cant afford to move and your girlfriend left you? Here is my list of Dos & Don’ts for your working career. P.S. You’re welcome.

do's and don'ts

DON’T use up the last of the mouse wee coffee. It’s free and people go nuts for it. Come back later when some other poor soul has changed the filter.

DON’T disturb anyone’s conversations when they are higher up than you – do what everyone else does. Hang around awkwardly until one of them notices your pitiful existence.

DON’T forget anti bacterial hand wipes – seriously. People in offices are dirty. Also saves time on the sanitization process you have to go to to rid the toilet seat of pee stains and dirty arse marks.

DON’T buy your own stationery. It may be cheap but it’s probably one of the only free things you can steal from work. And it will give you a ridiculous sense of delight as you slink out of the office with 4 pencils and a rubber.

DON’T learn to fix things around the office (ESPECIALLY the printer). You will be the first go-to person and will spend hours trying to fix it whilst neglecting your actual work. Realise the value of laziness in this department. Trust me – “I haven’t finished that report as I was fixing the printer” never wins you any points, no one appreciates it, and you lose out.

DON’T be the drunkest at office do’s. Be the second drunkest. You’re the fun one without being an idiot and everyone will forget how you came onto that manager when Yvonne from Accounts took off her top and did a strip tease to Cotton Eye Joe by the Rednex.

DON’T tell people your age if you are younger than 25. No one really respects people who are young enough to be their kids. It also queues a lot of “You were born in 1990? I was just starting my first job…” Old people tell stories. Boring stories. That you have to sit through. Just say “late 20s“ at all times.

DO make spreadsheets. A lot. You look organised and remember to use colours – organised x 2.

DO look flustered all the time. Looking busy equates to being busy.

DO hang around in the office after work doing personal stuff after 5. It looks like you’re working, and working late = bonus points from management.

DO listen into every conversation possible. Knowledge is power.

DO go out for fag breaks with important people. Hell, pick up smoking for this very reason. They will like you more.

DO try to get the good computers. The best computers in my office are by the one and only window. My colleagues often email me from beyond the stationery cupboard asking if it is still raining outside. I, on some days, am lucky to get the coveted “by the window”  computer. The rest of my colleagues have to slowly mutate in the deep dark depths of the back of the office whilst the health and safety manager drafts reports of how to deal with zombie-like lizard that was once the IT manager – true story.

DO learn what those ridiculous office lingos mean, but do not USE them. You will need to translate when idiots start talking to you about thinking outside of the box. (Don’t BE the idiot).

DO be covert when you are texting people and in particular long texts. Directors and/or managers have a sixth sense for turning up at your desk at the most inappropriate time (like when you receive a detailed text about National Orgasm Day and plans to honour it). I type texts in my work email, send it to my personal account on my phone, copy and paste and voila! Limited time on phone, max time staring at the screen. (Don’t forget to delete from the sent box).

DO be nice without being a directors pet, flirty without being the office bike, generous without being the coffee monkey and hardworking without being a mug. If you give, companies will always take, but they might not always (or ever) return the favour – bare that in mind when you are getting those numbers to finance at 10:30 at night.

So there you have it. A concise guide to dealing with the environment that you’ll probably spend more time in than your own home (which due to the sky high house prices you can’t afford anyway). You’ll learn to tailor the rules as you go along – which toilet is best to cry in, what time of day can you sneak off to the stationary room to have a cheeky wank and what computers are far away enough from managers that you wont get caught looking at spoilers for Game Of Thrones. The most important thing is to remain calm – you don’t want to be that person shaking and rocking in the corner and hyperventilating into the vacuum bag you’ve stolen from Henry the Hoover. I can only wish you luck on your adult life – remember, no one ever said on their death bed they wished they had spent more time in the office.